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Haves & Have Nots-

Endings & New Beginnings

I don't know why I am so emotional as I write this post! Today is a VERY hard day for me.

Today is the day that I have to have everything that the family wants to keep out of my Parents duplex. Tomorrow the estate sale people come in to start organizing pricing etc.., the stuff left behind.

It has been VERY hard for me this week to go through their items, sorting, throwing away, saving and deciding what to do with what. NOTHING can be put in a storage unit because all their income now goes to the nursing home and I don't have the extra storage space for much "stuff".

I did find many many things that mom told me she was "taking to the good will for me" over the years and kept- UGH! ALL photos, newspaper articles and family memories have been kept! I have my work cut out for me scrapbooking them all in the years to come. Wow- honestly I feel completely overwhelmed. The range of emotions for me have run the gamut- from apprehensive, to angry, to balling my eyes out or complete and total exhaustion.  Any given minute I can have any emotion in an instant burst and it may linger or be gone as fast as it came.  I am emotionally drained.

I am apprehensive that they are going to be mad at me even after we discussed what had to happen with all the stuff, mad at me because THEY chose the path that led them where they currently are and mad at me to be mad at me is how the last 2 weeks have been with my mom, ANY little thing and she is shaking her fist at me and GLARING.  I HAVE A CLUE how they feel, but they don't realize it. It has made me just not want to be around them for a while- a break for us all type thing. (a time out)  But, we have to take in a few small pieces of furniture tomorrow a bookcase, a couple eagle statues and 2 end tables, a painting of the ocean, and reorganize their things to sit on the shelving unit. I have already warned Kay if I am barked at or they are hateful in anyway, I will walk out of their room still with love in my heart and tears in my eyes, and wait for him outside the building. I have spent the last 6 weeks devoting nearly every minute to helping them. This is NOT, let me repeat.... NOT an easy thing for any of us, but I can't stand the glares, the hateful treatment, the complaining and I don't have to subject myself to it either.  We will need a time out......................

As I have been going through all of moms stuff, I find that many of the items I remember from the past are "missing".  I will never know if they were sold, given away or stolen by visitors.  I was able to locate one item I have always wanted to have since becoming an adult.  The gold papermache' apple Christmas tree ornament that I made for her when I was in the 2nd grade.  I know that sounds silly, but I have always felt that my emotional world would be ok when I finally found it. Well, it "sort of" is, but still the turmoil I feel inside, the emotions that plague my body and the hurt I feel is not taken away by that small apple.  I know that only time will do that and I KNOW that this facility is the RIGHT and BEST place for them at this time of their lives due to their health issues. But, knowing that doesn't make it any easier!

It was horrible to learn my step dad admitted to a doctor they were eating an ice cream bar for supper after the REPEATED times Kay and I asked them if they wanted us to bring them supper so they didn't have to go out- Ken always said "no, we are fine".  NO THEY WEREN'T FINE they were starving to death on one meal a day and I didn't know and they didn't ask me for help! I can't tell you how this makes me feel, but I can tell you it makes me sob each time I think about it! Now, they will get 3 meals a day, someone who will make SURE my mom is taking her morning and her evening pills. Someone who will make SURE they are both bathing, people who will watch over them 24/7 and care for them as I have tried to do.

Thank you to everyone who have sent me personal emails, who have commented on my posts, who have shared your love and concern with me. I am truly blessed you are a part of my life!  I am going to be ok, I am going to be ok............. eventually- and so are they, and I just needed to share my feelings in hopes that as an adult child of aging parents you won't feel alone, you will watch them carefully, love them unconditionally, and know that they REALLY NEED your guidance and help as they are not capable of caring for themselves anymore irregardless of what they tell you!

DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS/FAMILY MEMBERS!!!  Don't be so proud or stubborn to not ask for help and don't take advantage of the situation for personal gain because God is watching each of us and taking notes!

A special thank you go Annette Rhoades for coming this week to cheer me up, bring boxes, help me sort and move things and just comfort me! You are an amazing and wonderful friend and I am truly blessed! Oh and special thanks for the chocolate and chips! woot woot!

As for me- tomorrow a customer and friend is coming over in the morning for a "personal" Spooky Banner class. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to some stamping therapy! I just want to seclude myself in my home and craft my eyes/emotions out!  AND organize and clean my home it's a total disaster!!

Hope you are well, creating up a storm, and having a marvelous day!  We had frost last night for the first time of the year and the sun is gorgeous this morning!~

hugs

Gwen




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